


angel is a centerfold

by 26miledrive



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, soulbond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-05
Updated: 2011-10-05
Packaged: 2017-10-24 08:39:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/261341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/26miledrive/pseuds/26miledrive





	angel is a centerfold

_**fic: angel is a centerfold (Ryan Kesler/Andrew Ladd, Soulbond!verse)**_  
 **title:** angel is a centerfold  
 **author:** [](http://26miledrive.livejournal.com/profile)[**26miledrive**](http://26miledrive.livejournal.com/)  
 **pairing:** Ryan Kesler/Andrew Ladd (soulbonded!version)  
 **teams:** Vancouver Canucks/Winnipeg Jets  
 **Rating** : R  
 **Warnings** : Um, a lot of bad jokes and well-intentioned teasing of other teams/players. Including my own, so don't hate.  
 **Summary** : Ladd sees Kesler's [ESPN Nude Photo](http://vansunsportsblogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Screen-Shot-2011-10-05-at-8.12.58-AM-e1317827728181.png) and calls to chirp him about it. In the midst of that they have phone sex. (They're a lot better at the chirping, fyi.)

 **AN** : Set in the [#Boom!](http://26miledrive.livejournal.com/7415.html?view=50679#t50679) 'verse, but really all you need to know is that Ryan Kesler and Andrew Ladd ended up soulbonded in Vegas one morning, thanks to Biz Nasty. Title from the J Geils Band song _Centerfold_.

 **angel is a centerfold**

Even _without_ being soulbonded to Andrew Ladd, Ryan really should have been expecting the call.

"Wow. I just -- wow, man. Hey, how come you never pose like that for _me_? Is it because I don't have any fake rocks? And it's not as...unrealistically cloudy in Winnipeg?"

"Shut up, Ladd," Ryan says immediately, staring up at the ceiling. "And yes. If you had better props, maybe you'd get lucky. And if you don't stop making fun of me, you're not going to, _ever_."

"Uh-huh." Ladd doesn't sound the least bit concerned. Fucking soulbonds. "Did you have to practice hiding your dick like that with your thigh?"

There's a slight pause while Ryan tries really, really hard to think about something that isn't the answer to that question. He and Ladd haven't seen each other in a few weeks, which means the link they share isn't as sharp as it is after they fuck. Still, Ladd is freakishly good at finding out things from his head that Ryan would rather he not know about.

Like that one night stand he had with Dennis Seidenberg. Whatever, it was the finals. Ladd fucked Chris Pronger the year the 'Hawks won, he should know all about post-game bad decisions.

"Oh my god, you _did_ , didn't you. Ha! I knew it. Please tell me Burrows got a picture."

"Stop it, he...I mean, he doesn't have a picture of -- look, if you want more naked pictures of me, take them yourself," Ryan snaps.

"Now that I know how good you are at posing, I'll do that. Come visit and I'll get like, a fake waterfall or something. It'll be great. You'll love it. Perfect naked-dick-hiding-lean type of thing."

"You can't have a fake waterfall, you live in Winnipeg. It'll freeze."

"Well I was going to put it in the basement or something, you want it to be outside? Geez, Kesler, I knew you had a thing for public sex but public nude modeling with fake landscaping is really....that's really weird, dude."

Ryan should be happy at how cheerful Ladd sounds, given the stressful events of the summer and his team relocating, but at the moment Ryan is taking his good humor as a personal insult. Because it is. "Weirder than a _soulbond_? Really?"

"You know the rule, every time you say that stupid word I get a blowjob."

"When did we make that rule up?"

"Last time you were in town."

"I don't remember that."

"I can't help it if you fall asleep after a couple of beers while watching a movie."

"What does that have to do with anything? I was tired. And it was _March of the Penguins_ , Ladd. Not exactly the kind of action-packed adventure that keeps you on the edge of your seat."

"Shhh," Ladd says hastily. "You promised you'd tell everyone we watched _Die Hard_."

"Yeah, and you promised not to laugh when you saw the ESPN thing."

Ladd pauses a moment. "I did, didn't I."

"Yeah. I specifically remember that. Way more than this soulbond-blowjob thing you're talking about, when exactly did I agree to that?"

"You said it again. Yay, that's two! You know, I'm starting to get behind your nude modeling career." Ladd snorts. "That'd be a hell of a picture, huh."

"Andrew." Ryan smiles a little, he can't help it. Ladd pisses him off a lot of the time, but he's also pretty funny. "You're lying about this agreement thing, I can tell from our -- " he pauses dramatically, shifting on his bed and settling an arm behind his head, " -- _soulbond_."

Ladd mimics a cheer. "Blowjob hatrick for Captain Ladd!"

"I'll punch you in the stomach if you refer to yourself in the third person like that while I'm blowing you, man. Just FYI."

"Oh yeah?" Ladd sounds vaguely interested in that, because he's a weirdo. "Would that make it a...Gordie Howe hat trick?"

Ryan actually considers this, because hockey occupies most of his waking thoughts -- at least, the ones that aren't about sex or making sure Juice doesn't tweet something on accident while he's trying to mock Ryan via the direct messaging feature. "No, that'd be a blowjob, a punch in the stomach and an assist....hmm. What would that be, an assist?"

"A soulbond from Biz Nasty?" Ladd suggests.

"No, that just sucks. Or maybe it's the Biz Nasty Hat Trick. Also, ha, you said -- that word -- so that's one for _me_."

"I thought you didn't remember that deal."

"I didn't when I wasn't getting any." Ryan grins, kicks the covers off and rests his other hand on his stomach. "We could also have a threesome and then you can blow me and I can hit you. That'd count."

"Wait, I'm ahead in the blowjob count, here, Kesler."

"Does everything have to be a competition, Andrew?"

"Yes. And okay, we can argue the specifics of who-blows-who later but more importantly, who are we having a threesome with?"

There's a pause in the conversation as they both think about that.

"Burrows?"

"We've already done that. That son of a bitch leaves too many bruises. Wow, did you two have to abstain for weeks or did they photoshop those out?"

"No, I taped his mouth shut with hockey tape." Ryan says that conversationally, like it's no big deal, and he grins when he hears Ladd's quick intake of breath. "Ohhh, sorry man. I forgot you had a thing for hockey equipment."

"He doesn't remember the blowjob-soulbond deal, but he remembers that."

"That's two," Ryan points out. "You're gonna suck as much as your goals-against average.Get it?"

"No, your humor is too subtle. Also I'm not a goalie, so that doesn't make any sense. Can we get back to the threesome discussion?"

"Sure." Ryan thinks about it. "Probably best not to sleep with someone on either of our teams."

"Good, yes, let's definitely keep this theoretical threesome from fucking with our seasons."

Ryan snaps his fingers. "Pekka Rinne."

"He's really...tall."

"Yes, is that -- is that like a thing with you? An automatic veto? Damn, my next suggestion was Zdeno Chara."

"No Bruins. Think about your modeling career. Keep going."

Ryan can hear a catch in Ladd's voice, and it makes him grin, slide his hand down and rub lightly over his cock through his pajama pants. "Are you getting hot?"

"Yeah, I can't stop thinking about you leaning naked on a rock during a supernatural-looking thunderstorm. In your next photoshoot are you going to be on a snow-capped mountain?"

"Ladd, do you want to have phone sex talking about a threesome, or do you want to mock me until I get pissed and hang up?"

There's a bit of a pause after that. "....can I have both?"

"No," Ryan says huffily. "I'm hanging up now."

"Geez, okay, okay. Threesomes! Um. What about with Biz Nasty? He owes us."

"Fuck _that_ , what if he soul-- er, gives us one of these things with someone else? Imagine being connected through mystical channels or whatever to _Brad Marchand_ for life. Just imagine it."

"I thought we were having phone sex. If so, don't mention Brad Marchand. We said no Bruins."

"No, _you_ said that. But still, you get my point."

"Sure, okay. How about Troy Brouwer?"

"Do you have a thing for fighters? You do, huh. I mean I know you like to get hurt in bed, but I didn't know just how _much_ until now."

"Then you're not paying attention. Focus, Kesler. Threesomes." Ladd laughs, and it's low and warm and the sound goes straight to Ryan's dick. "I was going to suggest Matt Cooke just to fuck with you, though."

"No thanks, I'd like to actually play this season."

"Imagine Shanahan having to explain _that_ with a video."

"Ew, no." Ryan thinks about it, and he likes this conversation but he also likes the idea of phone sex, and nothing kills a hard-on faster than the words _Matt Cooke_ and _Shanahan video_. "Shane O'Brien?"

"I have a thing for bruisers, you have a thing for brats."

"Let's combine them and go for Sean Avery."

Ladd snorts. "Good one. But, no. Look, maybe we should think of someone who's neither of those things."

"And you want to stick with hockey players, right? What other kinds are there, besides bratty and bruiser?"

"Are you sure you're _not_ a Bruin? Let's go with goalies. And not yours, I'm afraid he'd be really into it one minute and then fall asleep and leave me hanging."

"That's not funny." It was, but Ryan has to defend his teammate according to the rules of hockey. "Carey Price?"

"Ooh, yeah, he's pretty. And if he wasn't that good in bed, we could boo him until he got better. He's used to that."

Ryan rolls his eyes. "You're really picky."

"Sorry, sorry. Price is good, he's hot. Do you think he'd go for it?"

"Does it matter?"

"Right, why was I expecting realism from you? Speaking of, did you even ask them what the background was going to be for that picture, or did they let you choose your own? What were your other choices -- like a woodsy background or an ocean sunset? Oh, man, was there one in space?"

"Ladd."

"How about Corey Crawford?"

Ryan thinks about that. "I can go with that. Good choice."

"Finally, okay....so we're going to...um." Ladd clears his throat. "How do we have a pretend threesome over the phone?"

"How should I know?"

"Because if it involves sleeping with someone in the NHL, you usually know about it."

"Yes, but this is _pretend_ sleeping with someone in the NHL without actually doing it."

"Ah. So what you're saying is, call Sidney Crosby."

Ryan grins. "Look, I don't know, I haven't really ever had regular phone sex, much less imaginary-threesome phone sex. Does one of us just start, or...?"

"Fuck if I know. Okay, it would be...really hot to have a threesome with Corey Crawford." Ladd says that like he's reading off hockey statistics.

"Stop, Ladd, I can't handle how hot that is."

"Fuck off, you go first. Or start it. Or whatever, just...it's late, man, I have practice in the morning and the entire city of Winnipeg will probably be there. Have to look sharp."

"Can you just read my mind? That would be a _lot_ easier."

"Just tell me what you're thinking about," Ladd says, and there's a tone in his voice that makes Ryan get a hand around himself beneath his pajamas, start to stroke his cock lightly "Use that smart mouth of yours for something besides being a brat."

"Um." Ryan closes his eyes, and he's thinking, he is, but now he's just thinking about Ladd being bossy and that's not something he wants to admit to finding hot at the moment. "Could we -- "

"Don't ask questions, just tell me."

Fuck, Ladd has _got_ to stop doing that. "He's really quiet. Corey. And so it would be hot if...he made some noise."

"Better, but now I'm hearing that goddamn _let's make some noooooise_ cheer thing they play at games. Come on, Kesler, I know you can be a goddamn tease, now _do_ it."

"Jesus, Ladd." Ryan takes a breath and concentrates, closes his eyes again, and before he can stop himself, he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. "Tell him what to do."

"Huh?"

Ryan makes a noise of frustration, hand pausing. "It would be hot. If you. Told him what to do. Like you're doing right now with me."

" _Oh_. Hey, you like that? Seriously, because I can tell you what to do all day long."

"For the threesome, I mean," Ryan says, but it's a little too desperate, a little too obvious.

"Wait, no, let's talk about this instead. Is it getting you hot when I tell you what to do? Because if it is, I think maybe I won the sex lottery."

"You could tell Corey -- "

"No, no, we're not talking about Corey yet."

"But that's the point of this."

"Not anymore." Ladd's voice gets sharper, a little louder in Ryan's ear. "Right now, I want to hear _you_. Specifically, you telling me if you're actually touching yourself. Are you? Tell me."

"Yeah." Ryan sucks in a breath, holds it, tries to be quiet while his hand moves faster, harder. "A little."

"Only a little, huh? Start doing it a lot. And stop trying to be quiet, it's unnatural for you and this is one of the only times I want to hear it."

Ryan stops holding his breath, lets Ladd hear him.

"Go slower."

"I thought you -- wanted this -- over fast," Ryan pants, gritting his teeth and actually slowing his hand down as directed.

"I didn't say go slower for an _hour_ , just for now. Hey, put your phone on speaker."

"Why?"

"Because I want to pretend you're in a cave. Maybe it's being guarded by that rock you were leaning on."

"I will hang up and finish this myself, Andrew."

"No, you won't."

Ryan can practically _hear_ Ladd's smirk. "Fine." He puts his phone on speaker and sets it next to him. "There, done."

"Are you in bed?"

"Of course I'm in bed. Where else would I be?"

"I don't know, a storm-tossed meadow? Okay, go faster again. Fuck, this is hot, I like how you look in my head right now. They should have just put you naked on a bed with your jeans undone and your head back, and you could hide your dick with your hand, or bend your knee or something. "

"So you're going to get a new career as a photo shoot designer?" Ryan grins, hips pushing up a little. "Also I'm wearing pajamas. But I still look hot. Trust me."

"Never. Bite your wrist."

That throws Ryan for a loop, and he pauses and actually blinks at the phone, like Ladd could see him somehow. "What?"

"Your wrist. The -- the one attached to the hand you're not using. Put that wrist in your mouth and bite it."

There's a suspicious breathiness in Ladd's voice, a harsher tone to his breathing that suggests Ryan isn't the only one enjoying himself. "Why?"

"Because if I was there right now, I'd be biting you. But I'm not, so you're going to do it for me."

"Oh." Ryan swallows hard, puts his wrist in his mouth -- he feels kind of silly, but he keeps roughly jacking himself until he hears Ladd say _bite, now_ , and he does, sinks his teeth in to his skin. He thought it would feel like -- well, like biting his own wrist -- but it feels better, not quite as good as Ladd biting him, but it's definitely good.

"Fuck, that's -- you like that."

"Yeah, I do."

Ladd's voice is sharp again. "That's what I said. It wasn't a question, Ryan."

Ryan moans, hips pushing up harder, fucking his hand.

"Jesus _Christ_ , okay -- look, just bite yourself again, this is totally working for me, here."

It's working for Ryan, too, and he bites his wrist hard enough to get a sound from him, and he can tell Ladd _definitely_ likes that. "What else would you do. If you were here?"

"Make you stop." Ladd's voice is just as fucked up as his, which is also really hot. "Pin you down. Make you ask for it."

"Yeah? Try it and see how well that works out." Ryan feels a rush of triumph when that makes _Ladd_ moan -- he remembers now that Ladd gets off being chirped at during sex.

"Maybe I'll tie you up."

"Maybe you will, maybe you won't -- _fuck_ , Ladd." He's close, nearly there, and he finds the idea of being tied up pretty hot, so that helps, too.

"Yeah, trust me, I'm going to. Going to bite your neck and -- fuck you while you're tied up."

Ryan's eyes open briefly. "How does that work, exactly? What are you tying me to? Like the bed? Did you get a new one because you're old one didn't even have a frame."

"Shut up, it doesn't matter." Ladd's obviously close, and that's an image Ryan likes quite a lot. "You're going to be unrealistically tied up and like it, damn it."

"Sure." Ryan's laugh is lust-torn and breathless. "You should see how much I like it right now."

"I can hear, you're noisy."

"That's what you wanted," Ryan says, but it comes out as more of a question than he intended.

"Yeah, fuck, that's what I wanted," Ladd gasps, and okay, maybe that's how Ryan meant it after all. "Come on, get off, let me hear it. Now, Kes, fuck -- _now_ \--"

Having Ladd tell him to come like that is definitely hot, and it's more than enough to make him get off -- he twists his hand over the head of his cock, and maybe he's a little louder than normal when he comes but whatever, he's trying to be a good sport about this.

He's not sure if Ladd's finished or not -- all he can hear is some heavy breathing, which could mean anything, Ladd's kind of quiet -- so he decides to check. "Hey, Laddy, are you done yet? If not, here, I thought of something -- you could tie me up and fuck me and make me suck Crawford off at the same time. How's that?"

There's a noise, a soft groan, and Ryan grins and if he fistbumps the air in triumph, whatever, at least this isn't video chat and no one sees him.

"That was pretty good. Way to have one hot threesome thought at the end, there."

"I know," Ryan says smugly, messy and sprawled in the middle of his bed, still catching his breath. "Except I couldn't say anything if I had Crawford's dick in my mouth."

"That's why it was hot." Ladd's voice is that lazy, post-sex drawl of his that Ryan will never, _ever_ admit he likes.

"Public naked modeling with landscaping and post-phone sex voice....you're _weird_ , Kesler."

How did Ladd know that...? Ladd could only read his mind after they -- huh. "Wait, does phone sex count as regular sex for the whole mind reading thing?" That's the closest to an out-loud admission Ladd is going to get. "Fuck Bissonnette, man, that guy needs to start giving out a manual."

Ladd laughs, and it sort of sounds like a giggle, and at least when Ryan thinks that's cute, Ladd has the sense not to mention it.


End file.
